BSCOM 450 University of Phoenix Negotiation Mediation And Diplomacy Essay

BSCOM/450: Negotiation, Mediation, And DiplomacyWeek 1 Discussion – Conflict Resolution
Materials
Textbook
Kim, R. (2023). Negotiation, mediation, and diplomacy. MyEducator.
Course Tools
MyEducator
This week introduces the theory and practice of conflict management, along with a variety of
diplomatic communication skills. It is important to keep in mind what conflict resolution
techniques are available to you, as well as what purposes those different techniques are suited
for.
Reflect on a previous unresolved conflict that you may have experienced with someone you
know, personally or professionally, and briefly summarize the conflict. Respond to the following
in a minimum of 175 words:
•
•
•
Identify conflict resolution techniques you would you use to try to resolve the dispute.
Provide an assessment regarding how you feel these techniques would specifically help
you and the other person move past that initial disagreement.
Provide examples and support for your response.
To help expand your response, you may want to consider skills and behavior such as your:
•
•
•
•
Level of ease to build rapport
Verbal and nonverbal communication skills
Ability to empathize with others you may disagree with
Listening skills
Chapter 2: Diplomacy in Conflict Management
2.1Introduction
Topic 2 Introduction Transcript
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LEARNING OBJECTIVES
1. Define diplomacy and describe its role in conflict management.
2. Identify and understand underlying sources of conflict.
3. Build a foundation of broad communicative skills that support diplomatic conversation.
This topic will connect what you learned about conflict management in Topic 1 to the essential skills and concepts of
diplomacy. It will illustrate how diplomatic practices can help you navigate conflict management
2.2Diplomacy in Conflict Management
As we covered in Topic 1, diplomacy is the art of communicating with people in a tactful and sensitive way. It is a crossfunctional skill that can be applied to many different conflict management strategies and a wide variety of other contexts.
Based on this definition, we may then ask ourselves the following question: What does diplomacy look like in conflict
management?
In any instance of conflict management, you can assume that the situation is already quite fraught, which is what makes
diplomacy such a necessary skill. Diplomacy is all about applying great communication techniques in order to manage a
dispute without making the situation any worse and ultimately bringing the dispute to a peaceable resolution.1 In other
words, it is about deliberately reducing harm and maximizing benefits. Your ability to navigate a conflict diplomatically is
directly related to whether you will be successful or not.
Being diplomatic does not mean being wishy-washy, conceding on positions to others, or catering needlessly to others’
demands. The essence of being diplomatic boils down to thinking before acting or speaking in a conflict; bringing a
strategic, tactful approach to your problem-solving techniques; and asking yourself the following question at all times:
Will my next move help or harm my ability to bring about a solution that everyone will be happy with? In other words,
handling a negotiation or mediation diplomatically means reaching a conclusion that makes everyone feel heard and
included without arousing hostility.
Figure 2.1: Diplomacy uses a strategic approach to bring about a solution everyone will be happy with, whether
on a global scale or at an interpersonal level.
Image 1 by United States Department of State, public domain via Wikimedia Commons; image 2 by Christina Morillo via Pexels.
Diplomacy is a multifaceted skillset, so you need to learn the basics of good communication to be able to resolve
conflicts in a variety of contexts without making the situation worse. 2 This topic will lay the foundations for you to be able
to bring a diplomatic approach in any conflict management scenario. In this section, we will take an expansive approach
to diplomatic best practices and discuss the following techniques of diplomacy:
•
Recognizing sources of tension
•
Familiarizing yourself with deadly assumptions we make about communication
•
Learning how to use verbal and nonverbal communication effectively
•
Understanding empathy and how to utilize it to everyone’s benefit in negotiation and mediation
•
Practicing active listening in conversations
•
Building rapport
All of these skills are important tools in a diplomat’s toolbox. Master these, and you will be well on your way to becoming
a successful negotiator or mediator and being ready to tackle conflict management in whatever form it comes.
2.3Sources of Conflict and Tension
When it comes to managing conflict diplomatically, the first thing you must do is develop a thorough understanding of
what the source of the conflict is or where the conflict is coming from. 1 As it turns out, there are many potential sources of
conflict and tension. While in some instances that source may be obvious to everyone involved, in other instances it may
be unclear. If the source goes unrecognized, it can have a debilitating effect on any further attempts at conflict
management. You can only start to reach a true resolution to a conflict once you have done the work of deciphering and
understanding the conflict’s underlying source. In this section, we will walk through some common sources of conflict and
tension and how they may be resolved.
Poor Communication
Any form of communication opens up the opportunity for miscommunication. This has never been truer than in today’s
interconnected, networked, and wired world. For example, messages can be misspelled, mistakenly sent, or delayed, and
they can even go unread, causing either senders or recipients to feel their time is not being valued the way it should be.
Frequently, conflict begins when people interpret these miscommunications as personal affronts or deliberate gestures
when in reality, they are often honest mistakes.2
Whether they are honest mistakes or not, small failures in communication can lead to further misunderstandings, which
can lead to incorrect assumptions. This in turn can lead to other conflicts. The unfortunate truth is that as our lives
become more digital, these mishaps will continue to happen more often. If you try to trace any conflict back to its source,
chances are you will find bad communication as the cause somewhere along the way. While knowing how
miscommunication can cause conflict won’t prevent it from happening in the world and in our interconnected lives, it helps
to be conscious of what a common occurrence miscommunication is. In fact, acknowledging any miscommunication that
has taken place between you and the other party can become common ground in even a contentious conflict, which is all
you need to start working toward a resolution.
History of Conflict
Figure 2.2: Miscommunication, unresolved conflicts, and personal differences can build on each other to create constant
tension between coworkers.
Image by RODNAE Productions via Pexels.
Sometimes the source of a conflict can be a previously unresolved conflict. 3 This might especially be the case if the terms
of the present conflict seem irrational or unreasonable. For example, Ashley may secretly harbor a deep resentment
toward Jeremiah, one of her coworkers, because Jeremiah took her idea and presented it as his own during a companywide meeting. He received all the credit for that idea. Because Ashley never directly confronted Jeremiah about this and
resolved the conflict, her unresolved resentment will be stewing until it finally comes out in some other, unrelated form.
Perhaps the following week Ashley decides to circulate a negative rumor about Jeremiah as her way of getting even. Or
perhaps her approach will not be as directly malicious, but rather she will cease being able to work productively and
cooperatively with Jeremiah. Through either ignoring him or treating him dismissively, Ashley’s behavior will begin to
produce its own kind of hostile work environment. Jeremiah could in turn lash out at Ashley over something minor. To
everyone else, it will seem there is a heated conflict between two people in the office, seemingly for no reason other than
their personalities.
On the surface, this situation may seem like two hotheads going at each other, but what’s really going on is an
unaddressed initial conflict and a toxic pattern of behavior. Though this is just one illustration, it shows that good conflict
management is important because unresolved conflicts become bigger conflicts. Everyone is best served by being open
and direct about their perceived conflicts and dealing with them as soon as possible. It’s all the more reason to reserve
judgment in the conflicts you encounter because you can’t know what’s really going on until everyone has had a chance to
express their own position.
Personal Differences
People will be people, and that means there will be certain personal differences and incompatibilities between them. One
person may find something rude that another finds wildly amusing. People may hold conflicting ideas of how something
ought to be done. For instance, one coworker might see nothing wrong with grabbing a few bags of chips from the break
room to bring home at the end of the day. Another coworker might see this as a serious breach of ethics and therefore
feel that their convictions have been violated. This is a rather common occurrence both in the workplace and in everyday
life, simply because every person has thoughts and experiences that differ from those of other people.
It’s also worth noting that people have been chosen to be in a particular workplace based on their skill or expertise—not
necessarily based on their personal beliefs or interpersonal compatibilities. As more and more people work together, both
in physical offices and in online spaces, these differences among people inevitably become greater sources of friction. On
one hand, it is unreasonable for anyone to expect they can somehow fix what ultimately boils down to differences in
personality, beliefs, values, and ways of doing things. On the other hand, we can make progress by approaching these
differences with patience and acceptance.
There is one caveat to all of this, which is that conflicts due to personal differences can be exacerbated when personal
values conflict with business values. You cannot always expect to be on the same page on a personal level as the people
you work with. It is still imperative that you establish common ground in terms of your business values, including integrity,
ethical behavior, and professional conduct. Without this common ground, the chances of success are low when it comes
to working together productively and without conflict.
Conflicting Goals
It is natural to assume that conflict arises when people have differing goals, but in some cases, the source of the conflict
can be more nuanced. For instance, in the case of a divorce, the disputing parties usually have the same goal, which is to
get as much as possible for themselves in the division of assets. In an organizational setting, everyone in a company
ought to have the same goal of doing a good job and reaching key performance metrics to contribute to the company’s
growth and success. However, whether a company is big enough to split into different departments or is a small start-up
company with only a few members, there can be differing opinions, approaches, or goals for reaching the common goal of
continued growth and success.
For instance, when the common goal is building an incredible new shopping mall, an architect’s goal may be to come up
with the most impressive design, whereas the engineers will want the most feasible and sturdy build. This difference in
their approaches can make both parties lose sight of the fact that, ultimately, they are working toward the same goal.
As another example, a gym manager wants to hire more personal trainers so the gym can offer more classes to bring in
more revenue. But HR will not allow the manager to hire anyone else because HR is committed to staying within their
allotted budget. Both the manager and HR want the same thing, which is for the gym to succeed, but their approaches are
completely different. Without the proper training or knowledge to conduct conflict management and see how their overall
goals are the same, they may come to feel that their respective goals are at odds and that they are therefore in opposition
to each other.
Interdependence
In the workplace, interdependence refers to a situation in which some employees rely on other employees to be able to
perform their job. This can quickly become a source of conflict if the employees are hindered from completing their own
tasks by the other employees.4 Let us look at an example that takes place in a café. If an employee does not restock the
café’s milk during the previous shift, a barista’s ability to quickly serve customers will be immediately hindered. Now the
barista will have to move twice as fast to keep up with the pace of orders while taking care of the milk situation, which
ought to have been dealt with by someone else. The orders will begin to back up, the line will stop moving, and the
customers will become annoyed that they have to wait longer than they usually do for their drinks. Some of them may
even complain to the manager about this delay—all because someone forgot to restock the milk.
Perhaps in an imaginary company that never experiences conflict, every employee would have independent tasks that
would not rely on anyone else’s work to be completed. Unfortunately, this is rarely ever the case. Today, few people can
accomplish their work all by themselves. Most tasks and projects require many hands in order to be completed. If one
person or team deviates from the schedule, it can create a conflict that involves everyone from the ground up.
Resource Scarcity
Figure 2.3: Scarce resources, such as budget constraints, are often a source of tension in the workplace.
Image by Pixabay via Pexels.
As we discussed earlier in this course, most conflicts take place due to two or more parties desiring to claim ownership of
a scarce or limited resource. This happens often in the workplace. For example, in a company where the margins are
quite thin, the marketing team may believe that winning a few new clients would be the best use of the remaining budget.
The production team might feel like those dollars would be better spent on creating more goods. This creates an internal
conflict. Furthermore, an organization’s own reward system can become a potential source of conflict—especially if the
organization’s reward system establishes a win-lose environment when it comes to employee rewards. For example, the
organization could have a policy where only a certain percent of top-performing employees can be eligible for the most
desirable raises and bonuses. This practice, which is not at all uncommon, immediately makes the work environment one
of intense competition. Competition by its nature can incite conflict.
Even outside of raises and bonuses, companies may establish other rewards over which employees can become
competitive, such as honors (like Employee of the Month) or privileges that are in limited supply. This kind of
competitiveness can create conflict between employees, between teams of employees, or between entire departments.
Some amount of conflict over resources is inevitable in any organization. This is especially true for smaller businesses
where things such as equipment, supplies, and money may be stretched thin to begin with. In order to minimize conflict,
organizations must adopt a transparent attitude when it comes to the distribution of these resources. They must not allow
themselves to display even the slightest favoritism in their decision-making.
Ambiguity
Finally, in cases where none of the above apply as the source of a particular conflict, then the conflict can usually be
sourced back to the most basic and unintended form of miscommunication: ambiguity. Whether it’s ambiguous decisionmaking, ambiguous policies, or ambiguous communications, any ambiguity opens up the opportunity for confusion and
misinterpretation, which in turn are breeding grounds for conflict.
For instance, it is not uncommon for an employee to be given two different tasks that are at odds with one another,
sometimes by two different superiors. Similarly, some companies may have internal protocol for handling certain clients
differently. They may offer special rates or special treatments to favored clients that not every lower-level employee is
aware of. Company policies that conflict with each other can quickly generate a tense and negative working environment
when employees feel that the rules they are being governed by do not hold up to scrutiny. Moreover, ambiguity in roles
and positions can easily cause damaged feelings, as well as power struggles and retaliation. For example, if an employee
takes on ownership of a new, higher-level role of their own accord or if they are regularly asked to fill in when the manager
is absent, this could leave the employee feeling confused as to whether they are expected to be a boss or a subordinate.
In any of these cases, the fix is quite simple: transparency and proactive communication are needed, which will help to
dispel ambiguity. Practicing clearer and more direct communication of policies, intentions, and decisions is one of the
simplest and easiest fixes for cutting short the potential for needless conflict before it is permitted to fester into a much
bigger problem.
2.4Deadly Assumptions
In this section, we will go over some deadly assumptions that get in the way of approaching conflict management
diplomatically. You may not even realize you are making some of these assumptions, and they are very common barriers
to effective communication.
The Assumption That Everyone Is Speaking the Same Language
We’re not just talking about multilingual workplaces and language barriers. Even among speakers of the same language,
not everyone has the same vocabulary and terminology. To avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and confusion, get in
the habit of avoiding acronyms and jargon that might be unfamiliar to some people in the industry who have a different
level of experience. If you choose to use acronyms for the sake of conserving time, at the very least spell out the acronym
once to give people who might not be familiar with it an opportunity to figure it out. In all situations, place importance on
communicating in clear, transparent language using straightforward words that most everyone can be expected to know
and understand.
In addition, do not assume that the other person has the same system of referents as you. A referent is the thing or idea
that a word stands for. Life would be far simpler if everyone ascribed the same meanings to the same words. However,
language is personal and particular. Without clarification, any conversation has the potential to lead to frustration.
The Assumption of Intent
This one is brief but crucial. It is always a mistake to assume that we know what someone’s intentions are before we have
had an opportunity to communicate with them. For example, let’s say you receive a message from a client that simply
reads “Please give me a call.” Your first thought might be that the client is deeply unhappy about something and wants to
discuss it with you over the phone. However, this is a classic example of assuming someone’s intentions. The client may
only be seeking to touch base or clarify something with you. If you approach the phone call with your defenses up, it could
lead to an actual conflict—instead of the one that so far has only taken place in your head.
The Assumption That Perception Doesn’t Matter
On the flip side, it would be a mistake never to be mindful of other people’s perceptions. Our perception is our reality, so
the saying goes. In cases where you have lingering doubts about what perception someone might hold, do not hesitate to
clarify. No harm can ever come of asking for clarification, unless you are afraid of what you might hear.
The Assumption That Saying Something Once Is Enough
In a perfect world, we would have to say things only one time, and that would be the end of it. However, what seems
simple and straightforward to us may seem that way only because of our own basis of knowledge and experience. It may
not translate so easily when communicated to others. Therefore, change your mindset around communication to thinking
of it as a journey rather than as a singular occurrence. The first part of this journey includes delivering the message
multiple times, thereby affording the recipient several opportunities to listen to the message, develop their understanding
of it, and apply it to their world.1
For those who dislike having to repeat themselves too often, this process can be condensed by offering face-to-face
meetings or other formats in which the message’s recipient can ask clarifying questions. Messages often must be
conveyed multiple times and in a deliberate fashion in order to be communicated effectively and internalized by the
recipient. Following delivery of the message, the rest of the journey involves touching base with the recipient to collect
feedback, gauging the reaction, and conducting further discussions. While at first this process may feel more tedious than
saying something once and expecting everyone to follow along, it is nothing compared to the cleanup that
misinterpretation and the resulting conflict might require.
The Assumption That Your Message Has Been Received
Before we concern ourselves with whether the recipient understood our message, we must be mindful of our assumption
that once we’ve sent a message, the recipient will have received it. As basic as this sounds, it is the source of a surprising
number of conflicts. Nowadays, we sometimes have to communicate extremely important information over digital
channels, such as emails or text messages, that do not necessarily have mechanisms to confirm receipt. For these kinds
of communications, it is always a mistake to assume that the message has been received and not check in to confirm if
that was the case. For as many conveniences as it offers, technology is by no means flawless. With messages of a great
degree of importance, it is the responsibility of the sender to make sure the intended recipient has received the message.
The Assumption of Immediate Responsiveness
Conversely, in our age of nonstop digital communications, we’ve gotten accustomed to having instant access to those
with whom we communicate. We can forget that not everyone wants to be plugged in at all times. Instead, they may want
to spend time with their families or pursue their own hobbies uninterrupted. Ultimately, conflicts that arise from this
situation boil down to a miscommunication of expectations. When one person sends a communication and is expecting an
instant response, frustration can ensue if they don’t receive it. Unfortunately, as frustration goes up, overall
communications begin to fray. To avoid this problem, we all have a responsibility to be open about our expectations in
communication. Being open does not mean insisting that we get our way. Rather, it is being willing to have a conversation
about each person’s expectations and how each person is willing to work with those expectations. One must
communicate one’s expectations of others while minding and managing others’ expectations of oneself.
2.5Communication
Methods of Communication Transcript
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What Is Communication?
In the simplest terms, communication refers to the sending and receiving of a message. Whether in a spoken or a
written form, one person communicates his or her thoughts in the form of a message, which the recipient must then
interpret and understand.1 Both parties, the sender and the recipient, are equally important in determining the meaning of
the message. Throughout this section, we will explore how we can communicate more effectively with this dynamic in
mind.
To begin, we must familiarize ourselves with the two types of communication:
•
Verbal communication refers to any communication that takes the form of words, whether they are spoken or
written. We typically think of verbal communication as the content of what we are saying. 2
•
Nonverbal communication refers to any communication that takes a form other than words. In spoken formats,
nonverbal communication could refer to facial gestures and body language. In nonspoken formats, this might
include images and context.3
Effective communication involves being adept at both verbal and nonverbal aspects of communication. In face-to-face
conversations, there is no way of separating the verbal from the nonverbal, as both must work together to deliver a
message effectively to a listener. In situations involving no face-to-face or spoken interaction, say, in written
communications, you must be more mindful of your choice of words to ensure you aren’t conveying any unintended
contexts or signals in your verbal communications. Now we are going take a closer look at the ins and outs of verbal and
nonverbal communication.
Figure 2.4: How might the verbal and nonverbal aspects of communication work together in this conversation?
Image by fauxels via Pexels.
Verbal Communication
Components
Verbal communication is any form of communication that uses words to convey a message. The three most important
components of verbal communication, whether written or spoken, include your choice of words, how you say those words,
and listening to others.
Your Choice of Words
First and foremost, your choice of words will determine how successfully your message is interpreted. No matter how
much sense something makes to you, if you do not choose your words deliberately, you will only cause further confusion.
Regardless of the topic of conversation, it is imperative that you tailor your vocabulary and speech patterns to the needs
of the occasion. For instance, you will want to choose completely different words when speaking to your friend or partner
as opposed to when speaking to a superior at work.
How You Say Those Words
Besides just knowing what to say, you have to know how to say it. In a spoken format, the tone and pace with which you
speak will qualify what you are saying with supplemental information about your level of interest in and engagement with
the content of your speech. For example, if you speak in a slow, dull fashion and your voice remains at a constant,
emotionless pitch, or if you constantly pause and use interjections such as “like” or “um,” you may unintentionally convey
a lack of interest or knowledge in the subject you are speaking about. This will reduce your authority in the eyes of your
listeners.
Listening to Others
Communication is always a two-way street. There isn’t any communication unless at least two parties are involved.
However, when most people try to communicate more effectively, they devote the majority of their attention to what they
want to say and how they want to say it, rather than on how they can be a better listener. The fact of the matter is, being a
better listener makes you a better speaker because paying closer attention to the response of your audience will inform
you of what you’re communicating effectively and what you’re not. It’s when people are only focused on what they are
going to say next that they may find themselves in a conversation in which they’re speaking past the other person instead
of to them. This is a surefire way to ruin any form of communication.
Techniques
With these three components of verbal communication in mind, we will now cover three important techniques to improve
your verbal communication.
Reinforcement
Reinforcement refers to weaving encouraging words and phrases into your conversations that signal to another person
that not only are you listening to what they are saying, but you are also understanding it. 4 Some examples you might use
are phrases like “I understand,” “I can see where you’re coming from,” “That seems reasonable,” and so forth. These are
engaging, inviting phrases that will help the other person feel positively about the communication. Verbal reinforcement
can be paired with nonverbal communication techniques, such as facing your body straight toward the person you are
speaking to; maintaining friendly, nonaggressive eye contact; and nodding affirmatively. We will cover all of these in
greater detail in the following section on nonverbal communication. In general, reinforcement will make you come across
like a warm, open, and trustworthy person. This is a crucial impression to convey in conflict management because many
people enter into it from a position of distrust and hostility.
Questions
Figure 2.5: Asking questions signals that you are listening and processing what the other person is saying.
Image by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels.
You can take reinforcement a step further by asking questions, which is a pivotal aspect of successful verbal
communication. Just as weaving encouraging and receptive phrases into your conversations signals to another person
that you are listening, asking good questions makes them feel heard and elevates a conversation beyond mere talking
points.5 Asking questions is especially important during conflict management. It helps bring the two parties to common
ground where they are actively clarifying and attempting to understand the other person’s position in the conflict.
However, not all questions are created equally. It is important to know the difference between open-ended and closeended questions and when each type is appropriate.
Open-ended questions are questions that invite an answer beyond a simple one-word response. These questions give
the other person more space in which they can expound on their thoughts in an unstructured, free-flowing way. This is
conducive to bringing to light new insights and ideas. For instance, instead of asking someone, “Does this arrangement
sound amenable to you?” ask something like, “What would an amenable arrangement sound like to you?” Just a slight
shift in the framing of the question allows for more than a yes-or-no answer and gives the other person the chance to
express their true feelings in a way that gets to the heart of the conflict and moves the discussion closer to a resolution.
On the flip side, close-ended questions are questions that seek a brief, concise answer, such as yes or no. For example,
“Did you go to the meeting yesterday?” is a question with a very limited scope. It can be answered with yes or no, and it
does not invite any further discussion or communication. This is why open-ended questions are generally better suited to
facilitating conversations. Close-ended questions can be effective for eliciting concise answers if a discussion is veering
off course and needs to be refocused. With that said, asking too many close-ended questions in succession can make a
conversation begin to feel like an interrogation for the person on the receiving end. It can quickly sour that person’s
feelings about the conversation and create an air of noncommunicative hostility. In conflict management, you must
exercise caution when using close-ended questions!
Clarification
Finally, clarification is a great conversational tool you can use to both ensure you have understood the essence of the
other person’s argument and to convey to them that you are paying close attention to what they are saying. You can do
this by repeating back what the other person has said in your own words, which they can then affirm or qualify depending
on how accurately you have portrayed what they said. Taking this approach not only shows that you are taking their
opinion seriously, but it also serves as a way of reinforcing that you and the other person are still on the same page.
Clarification can also help clear up any miscommunications there may be in the conversation. This works to clear away
any potential confusion, thus preventing the opportunity for further conflict in the future.
You can always ask for clarification to try to prevent future conflict over miscommunications and misunderstandings. But if
you do this too often, you run the risk of conveying to the person that you aren’t paying attention to them the first time they
say things. Summarizing works in a similar way to clarification, but it is best saved as a tool for wrapping up
communications and making sure that both parties agree on what has been said and resolved. Concluding your
communications with brief summaries helps to lay a solid foundation for the next conversation going forward.
Nonverbal Communication
Components
Nonverbal communication refers to any variety of ways in which a message is communicated without the use of words.
Most often, nonverbal communication does not happen on its own. Rather, it occurs in tandem with verbal communication,
as a way of providing additional information and context to what has been said verbally. For example, if someone insists
with their words that they are not embarrassed, but their face has gone bright red, it means they likely are embarrassed
and don’t want to admit it. Here’s another example: a colleague insists that they are OK with their newly increased
workload, but they are always huffing and puffing with complaints at the office. As you can see, it is important to be able to
read between the lines and pay attention to what people are really telling us aside from their words.
Figure 2.6: Facial expressions are a form of nonverbal communication.
Image by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels.
It is equally important to be mindful of how we may be communicating messages nonverbally that are different from what
we mean to convey with our words alone. This is especially tricky to manage because nonverbal communication can be
both conscious and unconscious. For example, if we are extremely focused on what we are saying, it can be difficult to
control every facial expression and gesture we are making as we say it. This is why nonverbal communication is so
important, both as a sender and as a recipient. As a sender, we must be careful not to complicate or obscure the content
of our explicit, verbal messages by communicating contradictory implicit messages nonverbally. As a recipient, we can get
a less filtered view of what someone means by paying attention to their nonverbal cues. Below are some examples of
nonverbal communication that are conscious and easy to control, as well as some that are unconscious and more difficult
to control.6
Conscious nonverbal communication includes the following:
•
Kinesics—these include body movements, such as hand gestures, nodding or shaking your head, fidgeting, and
so on.
•
Proxemics—this is how you manage personal space; how close you are physically to the person, which in turn
must be tailored to the level of intimacy and comfort between you and the other person.
•
Posture—this is how you sit or stand, such as with your arms crossed or not.
•
Eye contact—this correlates directly to the level of trustworthiness in face-to-face interactions, particularly in oneon-one interactions.
Unconscious nonverbal communication includes the following:
•
Facial expressions—these include smiling, frowning, zoning out, looking worried, and so on.
•
Physiological changes—these include unconscious tics such as blinking, sweating, and blushing that are
uncontrollable but important indicators of one’s mental state.
Techniques
While most of us take nonverbal communication for granted, understanding what we can and cannot control in
communication helps us to focus on what we can control while solidifying our message. Furthermore, learning to
recognize others’ nonverbal communications and cues will give you a strategic edge in conversations that involve some
degree of conflict management or negotiation. You can use some of the following nonverbal communication techniques to
your advantage:
Build Rapport through Mirroring
Have you ever sat on the floor when speaking with a child to meet them at their level? Have you ever caught yourself
copying someone else’s hand gestures and facial expressions in a particularly enjoyable conversation? Both are
examples of mirroring and thereby building rapport and establishing a friendly interaction. You can apply mirroring just as
easily to work situations and conflict management.7 You can use subtle cues with your posture, body language, and facial
expressions to build rapport and subtly signal to the other person that you are on the same wavelength.
Figure 2.7: This couple is mirroring each other by leaning in, smiling, and positioning their hands similarly.
Image by Samson Katt via Pexels.
Conversely, if you are not being conscious of your nonverbal communications, you can unintentionally alienate another
person by failing to practice mirroring where mirroring would establish common ground. For example, it would be awkward
for someone to have a conversation with you at a café if you insist on standing at the table while they sit. For nonverbal
communication, context is key.
The nuances of mirroring apply not only to where your body is but also to what your body is doing. For example, next time
you are out, try to stealthily observe the way couples act around each other. They may sit in the same way, smile at the
same time, or repeat each other’s movements as a result of how deeply connected they are. And while the aim of conflict
management is certainly not to establish any romantic relationships out of the conflict, you can certainly move a
conversation from hostility to a more neutral place by using mirroring to establish a friendly intimacy with the other party.
Figure 2.8: Reinforcement and other nonverbal communication techniques may be especially important on a video call.
Image by Surface via Unsplash.
Signal When You Want to Speak or When You Have Stopped Speaking
Have you ever spoken to someone whose tone goes upward at the end of their sentences, as if everything they said were
a question? Have you ever spoken to someone who doesn’t end their sentences properly, but just rambles and gets
quieter and quieter until their sentence just sort of fizzles into silence? In both of these instances, you were probably so
focused on the awkwardness of talking to that person that you couldn’t concentrate completely on what they were saying.
Using eye contact, a slight nod, a movement of the hands, or a pointed finger can be simple but effective ways of
signaling when you want to speak. Closing your lips, clasping your hands, or nodding more deeply can convey that you
are finished speaking. These subtle signals convey important information in a nonintrusive way. Having mastery of them
will automatically give you greater authority in conversations.
Reinforce Nonverbally and Provide Feedback
Similarly to verbal reinforcement phrases, you can use facial expressions and body movements to communicate positive
messages to the other person to elicit better responses. Smile and nod your head when you agree with what they said.
That way when they say something you do not agree with, you can withhold that smile and keep your head still. They will
internalize that message quickly.
2.6Empathy
Empathy has become something of a buzzword in our culture in terms of discussing feelings and emotions. When it
comes to the importance of having empathy in order to develop a diplomatic approach to conflict management, it is
important to have a rock-solid understanding of what it really entails.
Empathy is often used interchangeably with words like sympathy and compassion, but there is actually more to it. In the
most basic sense, empathy is about being conscious of others’ emotions. It is a fundamental ingredient of emotional
intelligence, which we discussed in Topic 1. Empathy is the link between self and others. The only way we can truly relate
to anyone else’s experience is by imagining their experience as if we were the ones going through it. By
definition, empathy is a process by which we can discern, understand, and respond to another’s emotions and underlying
desires and concerns.1
In this regard, empathy goes far beyond what is denoted by either sympathy or compassion. If sympathy or compassion
are “feeling for” someone, then empathy is “feeling with” someone. Sympathy and compassion involve recognizing
someone’s emotions. Empathy is about internalizing those emotions and using imagination to experience them as if they
were your own in order to understand the other person’s position and situation. If empathy is beginning to sound like a tall
order, then it will be helpful for you to know that it only requires a bit of consciousness and practice to become a more
empathetic communicator. Some of the key elements of empathy are described below, including understanding others,
leveraging diversity, and using political awareness.
Understanding Others
Understanding others is the aspect that most people associate with empathy. Though it sounds simple, it is still a task that
many people report struggling with. Those who are good at understanding others are able to do the following:
•
They are able to respond to emotional cues.
•
They practice active listening and do not engage in conversations only so they can speak.
•
They are perceptive to nonverbal forms of communication, such as facial gestures and body language.
•
They demonstrate sensitivity and open-mindedness when considering the positions of others.
•
They can identify with the feelings of others.
Again, if you do not feel that you fit these descriptions, these skills can be developed and improved through practice. All
you need is willingness. It’s also worth mentioning that though being understanding of others is crucial to diplomatic
conflict management and to communications in general, it does require considerable emotional energy. Many empathetic
people may still choose to selectively turn off their emotional radar in order to prevent themselves from becoming
overwhelmed by others’ emotions.
Leveraging Diversity
Diversity is another buzzword that seems to carry numerous meanings and implications. In this context, leveraging
diversity refers to the ability to acknowledge and value the differences among people based on their backgrounds and
experiences. In other words, it means not treating everyone exactly the same way, but rather modulating your treatment of
others to best mesh with their needs, feelings, and situations.
Those who are good at leveraging diversity have the ability to relate positively to anyone regardless of who they are. At its
core, leveraging diversity is about seeing diversity as an opportunity instead of an obstacle. It is about recognizing that
differences in background and beliefs can make for a far stronger team than one that is uniform and homogenous.
Individuals who leverage diversity will also disavow intolerance and exclusion in order to create an environment that is
equally respectful of everyone.
Political Awareness
While many associate being political with being underhanded or manipulative, this negative connotation says more about
the actual practice of politics than the word itself. Political awareness refers to intuiting and responding to a group of
people’s needs and desires and the power structures that constrain them. Being more politically aware is just another
aspect of understanding where people are coming from. Bringing more political awareness into organizational
relationships can help individuals navigate these relationships without being hindered by political divisions. Doing this will
help them succeed where they might otherwise have failed.
Types of Empathy
In addition to practicing these key components of being empathetic, it is just as important to be able to recognize that
there are three different kinds of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate.
Cognitive empathy, which also goes by the name of perspective taking, is acknowledging and understanding someone
else’s feelings in a rational, analytical sense. In this regard, it is not exactly what many of us would consider being
empathetic. It can be a useful tool in negotiations because it allows you to see someone else’s position without
emotionally identifying with them. However, because of this, it does not exactly align with the spirit of being empathetic as
an exercise in “feeling with” another person.
You can think of cognitive empathy as empathy by thought. It is possible to know what someone’s vulnerabilities are
without feeling sympathy toward them. People who are manipulators often possess the ability to have cognitive empathy.
They know just enough to make someone else do what they want—or even worse, make their life difficult! Though few
people would ever take it this far, cognitive empathy can qualify as being under-emotional for many purposes.
Emotional empathy is internalizing someone else’s feelings to the point of “catching” them yourself. It is closer to the
common understanding of being empathetic, but can be taken too far to the point of personal injury. Children exhibit a
high degree of emotional empathy. For example, if a mother smiles at her baby, her baby will often “catch” her emotion
and return her smile. Or conversely, a baby watching its parents argue may suddenly burst into tears.
In this regard, emotional empathy could potentially be constructive or destructive depending on how it is exercised.
Emotional empathy can be constructive when it helps someone have a deeper understanding of another’s experience.
This is of vital importance for those in caretaking careers, like nurses and doctors, who need to be able to respond
sensitively to the emotional needs and discomforts of their patients.
On the other hand, emotional empathy can be destructive when the person practicing empathy is overwhelmed by the
emotions of another to the point of becoming unable to respond or relate to them constructively. This phenomenon is
called empathy overload. Those whose careers require that they practice emotional empathy also need to know how to
exercise self-regulation in order to avoid empathy overload and burnout. People in fields that are especially emotionally
taxing, such as those who work in warzones or with refugees, are always in danger of swinging from empathy overload to
extreme self-regulation to the point of becoming hardened to the suffering of others.
Compared to cognitive empathy, which is often considered under-emotional, emotional empathy can be considered overemotional. While emotions are important to recognize, they are not always helpful. Though we do damage by ignoring
emotions, we also do harm in overindulging in them. Strong emotional responses by definition make us less capable of
thinking clearly and making decisions. It is nearly impossible to help anyone if you are completely subsumed by your own
feelings.
Compassionate empathy is the ideal middle ground between them. It is what we usually think of when we think of
empathy. It means feeling someone’s pain with them and then helping them to do something about it. In most situations,
compassionate empathy is going to be the most appropriate type of empathy to use.
If someone wants or needs your empathy, usually they aren’t looking for you to analyze them precisely (cognitive
empathy) or collapse into sobs beside them (emotional empathy). What they are looking for is for you to understand their
position well enough to assist them in taking action that will hopefully solve whatever problem they are having. That is
exactly what compassionate empathy is. Compassionate empathy strikes the perfect balance between reason and
feeling.
2.7Active Listening
When you are trying to be diplomatic, it is important to understand the distinction between listening and active listening.
Listening is merely the physical process of hearing the sounds that happen around you and pass through your ears to
your brain. By definition, it is a passive process that requires little thinking. Just as you can sit and tune a song out into
background noise, you can listen to someone speak without paying any attention to the content of what they are saying.
Active listening, which we must practice in order to be truly diplomatic conflict managers, is all about focusing on
understanding the meaning of what is being said. It’s not just a physical exercise—it’s a mental exercise too. That’s why it
is called active listening. Moreover, active listening is about being responsive to what someone else is saying. This is the
only way you can demonstrate that you are actively engaged in the conversation and not just letting things go in one ear
and out the other—which is a very common accusation in all manner of conflict.
Any conflict management process can break down very quickly when people feel as though they are being listened to
passively but not heard or understood. This can also happen if the messages are being misinterpreted and misconstrued
as a result of a lack of active listening.1 The last thing you want is for a negotiation or mediation process to break down
just because you weren’t paying close enough attention to what the other person was saying.
With that said, showing that we are active listeners is half of the equation of effective communication. Just as important is
the fact that active listening will help you better construct your own thoughts, opinions, and arguments. It will help you
shape how you respond to what a person is saying in a way the other person will be receptive to. Being an active listener
will make you a much sharper speaker.
Next time someone is speaking to you, make a concerted effort to truly listen to what they are saying rather than just
waiting to say the next thing that you have in mind. Something else you can try as you respond is to pay attention to the
person’s expression and the light in their eyes. See if they actually address the point you brought up. You might be
surprised how often you find you’re not being actively listened to. And while it is only a minor annoyance in day-to-day
conversations, it can be catastrophic when it comes to dealing with a tenuous situation like a conflict. To avoid this, take
the following tips to heart!
Figure 2.9: Active listening involves clarifying, paying attention to emotions, giving feedback, and sharing space.
Image by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels.
Active Listening “Do’s”
Clarify, Summarize, and Probe
Show your degree of understanding by repeating back in your own words what you believe the other person meant to
communicate. You can also check to make sure you’ve been following along well by summarizing different parts of the
conversation to construct the person’s overall message. For example, try using phrases like “So from what I can see, it
seems like . . .” or “It sounds to me as though . . .” If someone is saying something you would like to get more clarity on,
refrain from outright asking them what they mean. This might make them feel as if you haven’t been listening. Instead, try
asking a probing question with a hypothetical, such as “Say the situation was like this . . . How would you feel about that?”
These kinds of questions can invite the other person to reiterate their main points without making them feel as though they
are repeating themselves. Most likely, how they answer will give you a better handle of what they are trying to
communicate.
Pay Attention to Feelings and Emotions
In a perfect world, we would be able to separate our feelings and emotions from our logical arguments, but in the real
world it is not nearly this easy. However, rather than outright ignore or deny the fact that feelings and emotions play a part
in our decision-making, it is far better to acknowledge it with openness and understanding. It is important to acknowledge
the role that feelings may play in a conflict management process. This will help you remove any unnecessary
awkwardness and help you and the other party work past the feelings and toward seeing things more clearly. If you get
the sense that the other party is uncomfortable acknowledging their emotions, you can repeat the other party’s words
back to them with how you perceive they are feeling. You can say, “I sense that you may feel (insert emotion) about this
issue.” Or even more innocuously, you can say, “It seems that this is an important issue to you.” When dealing with a
sensitive topic like emotions, make sure to keep your statements limited to a first-person voice so they do not come
across as outright accusations. Just think of how different it would sound to be told, “I get the feeling that you’re angry at
me” as opposed to, “You’re angry at me!” See the difference?
Feedback and Validation
Offer quick remarks of encouragement to show you are following along, such as “I get that” or “I understand.” These
examples are more suited for general conversation. If someone shares something sensitive with you, then you can offer a
more empathetic remark, such as “I’m really glad you shared that with me” or “I understand this is a difficult matter to
discuss.” Contribute your thoughts to the conversation in a gentle way. You can introduce a remark with something like
“May I add . . .” or “Is this an appropriate time to bring up . . .” These kinds of remarks will help you get a better sense of
how the other party is feeling and ensures that you are not talking at each other but with each other.
Sharing Space
Being a good listener means sharing space with others. This can mean taking a pause and embracing silence. Not every
second of a conversation needs to be filled with sound. Sometimes both parties can benefit from a moment to think. It is
our instinct to try and fill in the awkward silences, especially when we feel a conversation isn’t going the way we’d hoped.
In truth, silence gives everyone a quick breather while being respectful of everyone’s boundaries.
Active Listening “Don’ts”
Interrupting and Pushing
While you might feel like this one is an obvious one, you would be surprised how often you may interrupt if you’re not
mindful. You’ll always notice if you’ve been interrupted but rarely will notice if you’re the one interrupting. In general,
interrupting signals to the other person you’re uninterested in what they have to say. Furthermore, if you feel like someone
is not keen on speaking about something, don’t press them on it or dig for more information. This is especially the case
with “why” questions, which have a propensity for putting people on the defensive.
Patronizing
A quick word of reassurance can be helpful, but you never want to let it communicate to the other person that you are
speaking down to them or aren’t taking them seriously. When you say something like “Don’t worry about that,” there’s a
fine distinction between being comforting and being dismissive. Outright expressions of pity, such as “You poor thing”
ought to be avoided like the plague!
Preaching
We have discussed the importance of having authority in a conversation, but true authority should never be overtly stated.
When it is, it immediately comes across as preaching. You never want to make someone feel as though you presume to
understand the answer to their situation better than they do, such as by using statements that begin with “You should” or
“You shouldn’t.” Lastly, refrain from ever offering direct instructions as advice. For example, “The best thing you could do
for your mother is move her to an assisted living facility.” Statements like these have the weight to completely change the
nature of a conversation from a friendly one to a hostile one.
2.8Building Rapport
Though we have touched on rapport in earlier sections, we will now conclude our look at the skills necessary for
diplomatic conflict management with a primer on rapport. Rapport is any sort of personal connection you might
experience with another person.1 Most often, rapport is that feeling of friendly harmony and understanding you will feel
when you are having a good conversation with someone else. Building rapport is the process of establishing rapport
several times in order to lay the groundwork for a deeper relationship.
There are times when rapport comes easily and happens instantly. Who among us hasn’t had an experience of meeting
someone new and “hitting it off” right away, especially without feeling like you had to put in any genuine effort? It’s nice
when rapport comes easily, since it makes positive communication that much easier.
That said, because of the less casual nature of any conversation concerning conflict management, the chance of
developing an easy rapport with another party is going to be lower. This is because there is less likelihood of having
common interests or frames of reference. In fact, in most cases of conflict management, it is more likely for the
conversation to begin from a place of hostility. Even in situations like these it is still possible to establish a baseline of
rapport.2 You are just going to have to work that much harder to take the conversation from hostility and suspicion to a
place of trust and familiarity. Establishing rapport is one of the best methods available for disarming someone’s initial
negative feelings toward you by making them feel more at ease and getting the conversation flowing.
You can establish rapport by using the many skills we have covered in this topic, such as verbal and nonverbal
communication, active listening, and being empathetic. All of these help you find common ground in a conflict
management scenario. Build on what we have covered with these last tips specifically tailored to helping you become
better at building rapport!
Establish Some Common Ground
Use the beginning of any conversation as an opportunity to bring up casual topics and small talk. You can get things
started by asking some harmless questions about the other party or making general statements about experiences you
may have shared. Try to refrain from talking too much about yourself or asking too many direct questions of the other
person. Balance is the key here!
When the other person is talking, actively listen for places where you can agree with them or share something that you
have in common with them. This will quickly lead to more topics that you can talk about together. Try to insert a little
humor into the conversation. Laughter is immediately disarming and can create a friendly rapport with most people.
However, if you are in the mood to joke, avoid doing so at the expense of other people. You will seem judgmental. The
other person will wonder what you are saying about them when they aren’t around to hear. Self-deprecating humor can be
effective so long as you do not go overboard.
Be Friendly
While you don’t ever want to be overly friendly and make the other person uncomfortable, there are harmless cues you
can give to someone that signal you are interested in establishing rapport. One such technique is using the other person’s
name. It will not only help you remember their name but will make them feel closer to you. Another technique is if you
agree with something the other person says, feel free to express your agreement and your reasoning for agreeing. If you
can, expand on their ideas. Always feel free to offer them compliments if they make a great suggestion. Don’t hold back!
Disagree Respectfully
If you genuinely disagree with something the other person says, don’t be afraid to express that. No one wants to feel like
they are being pandered to. With that said, there’s no need for disagreement to be unpleasant. You can say you have a
different opinion from the other person and explain why while maintaining a friendly expression. Furthermore, you can
always acknowledge if you don’t know the answer to a question or if you have made a mistake. Honesty is the best policy
here, as it is disarming and builds trust.
2.9Summary
To recap, diplomacy is the central thread and fundamental skill that runs through all forms of conflict management,
including negotiation and mediation. What makes diplomacy so essential to conflict management is that it enables us to
handle a conflict tactfully and without making it worse. In situations where mediation or negotiation are needed, we can
safely assume that the situation is already contentious and that those involved do not know how to fix it. The ability to
navigate the situation in a tactful, evenhanded fashion will be directly related to your degree of success in helping the
parties in conflict reach a resolution.
As you go about practicing your diplomatic abilities, remember to frequently stop and ask yourself the following question:
Will my action help or harm us in getting to a solution or conclusion that everyone is happy with?
Answering this question will require the skills we covered in this topic, such as being empathetic, recognizing sources of
conflict, and being cognizant of the deadly assumptions conflict managers can make that will hinder their ability to remain
diplomatic. These sources of conflict include poor communication, personal differences, history of conflict, conflicting
goals, interdependence, resource scarcity, and ambiguity.
Beyond these concepts, being able to convey your point verbally and nonverbally, as well as being able to actively listen
to others, will aid you in your goal of remaining absolutely diplomatic in conflict management. Now that you are equipped
with these tools, you should feel confident that you have established a strong foundation upon which to learn further about
negotiation and mediation.
Chapter 1: Introduction to Conflict Management
1.1Introduction
Topic 1 Introduction Transcript
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LEARNING OBJECTIVES
1. Define conflict management and explain its purpose.
2. Identify real-world examples of conflict management.
3. Define negotiation, mediation, and diplomacy as subtypes of conflict management.
4. Identify the skills needed for successful conflict management.
In this topic, you will be introduced to the theory and practice of conflict management, supplemented with in-depth
examples of how conflict management skills and tools can be applied in different real-world scenarios and situational
contexts.
1.2Introduction to Conflict Management
The purpose of this course is to help you develop a better understanding of negotiation, mediation, and diplomacy and
how they can serve as powerful tools in your career for achieving the most advantageous outcomes for yourself and
others. These three skills are specialized topics within the general practice of conflict management. Mastering them will
begin in turn by familiarizing yourself with what conflict management is, why it matters, and how it is best practiced.
Conflict management is a necessary skill to have in order to resolve situations in which the interests of two or more
individuals or parties are seemingly at odds.1 This skill is needed whether you are one of the parties in conflict or
intermediating on someone’s behalf. Therefore, conflict management primarily involves communication methods that will
help one resolve disputes strategically, productively, and amicably. Before we begin, here are some situations in which
conflict management may become necessary:
•
Negotiating a raise with your employer
•
Mediating a dispute between two coworkers
•
Resolving a conflict brought up by HR
•
Settling a disagreement among family members
•
Achieving diplomacy between two nations
•
Balancing and solidifying international relations among a coalition of states
As you can see, conflict management is a widely applicable and highly transferable skill with a broad range of uses and
relevant contexts. It will serve as a valuable asset to have in your communications toolbox no matter where your life and
career may take you.
Figure 1.1: Conflict management is useful in a variety of situations, including times when opinions and emotions run strong
in group discussions.
Image by Cherrydeck via Unsplash.
Defining Conflict Management
Learning a new concept always begins with definitions, so it will help us a great deal to have a clear working definition of
what is meant by conflict management.
For our purposes, we can define conflict as a disagreement or contest that arises from two or more opposing or
incompatible needs, motivations, wishes, drives, or demands.2 We can define management as the practice or process of
handling, directing, organizing, and conducting things or people.3
With these two definitions in mind, conflict management is then the practice of handling, directing, organizing, and
conducting a disagreement which results from two or more opposing or incompatible needs, motivations, wishes, drives,
or demands.
Ultimately, the purpose of conflict management is to resolve conflicts in a manner that minimizes the negative outcomes
and maximizes the positive outcomes for everyone involved.4 This will deliver the greatest possible benefit to the largest
number of parties. Successful conflict management necessitates recognizing and handling disputes and conflicts of
interest in a fair, evenhanded, and rational manner.
In any context, conflict management relies on effective and adept communication skills and problem-resolving abilities. In
the context of a business environment or organizational setting, conflict management ought to aim for not only satisfying
the disputing parties, but also showing that conflict does not have to be an inherently negative outcome. It can be positive
so long as the people involved can learn as a group from the way that conflict has been managed. Being able to do this
with any instance of conflict management will benefit the overall effectiveness and performance of those in the
organization.
Now that we have our definitions in hand, we can venture forth into the following subtopics which will teach you the
importance and benefits of skillful conflict management.
Why Is Conflict Management Important?
By nature, people are driven by their own individual motivations and desires and are influenced by their own inherent
biases and perspectives.5 As a result, everyday life itself is rife with countless opportunities for the needs and objectives
of people to be at odds, which inevitably leads to conflict.
Most of the time, when people want something that is limited or scarce, it can create conflict. This can partly explain the
prevalence of conflict in the world. In fact, many studies have shown scarcity to be highly influential in determining the
desirability of something or someone.6 Furthermore, the nature of conflict tends to evoke an immediate negative
emotional response in anyone caught in it, mostly due to the possibility of not having one’s needs, motivations, wishes,
drives, or demands met. This dynamic further complicates effective conflict management because negative emotional
responses such as anger, sadness, or resentment can themselves both exacerbate existing conflicts and become
additional conflicts in and of themselves.
Therefore, deepening your understanding of the nature of conflict and learning how it can be managed effectively will help
you calm your own emotional response to a given conflict and approach it with greater objectivity. 7 This will afford you the
opportunity to slow down and focus on the particulars of any given conflict. Then you can apply the right communication
techniques to engage with the other party or parties in the most positive manner possible to reach a resolution. Having the
cognitive, emotional, and behavioral toolset to improve the outcomes of conflicts will help you consistently reduce the
overall risk of negative and undesirable occurrences, such as conflict escalation or lasting relationship damage. It will also
help you develop more effective, innovative, and lasting solutions to current and potential sources of conflict. The result
will be stronger partnerships in both your work and interpersonal relationships.
Managing conflict is something that not everyone does well. The ability to manage conflicts in this fashion consistently and
confidently will give you a competitive market advantage in any field or industry. 8 Having mastery of conflict management
will prove to be an incredibly helpful skill when it comes to advocating for your interests, accomplishing your own goals
and plans, and assisting others in doing so for themselves. On a personal level, conflict management will help you avoid
the unnecessary stress and breakdowns in communication that tend to come with something as emotionally charged as
conflict. It will help you to effectively strive for your desired outcomes. On a global scale, effective conflict management
reduces discord and establishes agreement, which works in its own way toward making a more peaceful world.
What Are the Benefits of Conflict Management?
A truly exhaustive account of all of the many benefits of conflict management would require more space and time than is
available to us in this lesson. Here we will focus on some of the most immediate and significant benefits of conflict
management, particularly in the context of work, commerce, and business.
Conflict Management Leads to Increased Productivity and Goal Accomplishment
Since the goal of conflict management is the resolution of a dispute while delivering the most benefits possible to those
involved, naturally, conflict management works toward people achieving their goals. 9 Conflict can be time-consuming and
stress-inducing, so the successful management of conflict will minimize these negative outcomes and in turn increase
overall productivity. For example, a company that has established rigorous practices for conflict management will spend
less time dealing with the fallout of unmanaged conflict; avoid additional conflict; and produce a more coherent,
coordinated, and cooperative workforce. A culture of conflict management will nurture and facilitate a more open and
innovative climate in which personalities and disagreements do not unnecessarily hinder new ideas, developments, and
growth.
As a student of conflict management, you will develop an intuitive understanding of what impediments you may encounter
and how to overcome them when it comes to achieving your own personal goals. This way you can accomplish more
without becoming embroiled in unnecessary disputes. It will also make you a far more effective communicator in general,
which will be useful to you in any field.
Conflict Management Establishes and Enhances Relationships
While conflict itself can tend to entrench each party in their own needs or beliefs, the process of conflict management can
unite the parties by acknowledging each other’s positions and encouraging problem-solving together. In this regard,
conflict management can help individuals shift from an “I” mindset to a more empathetic and cooperative “we” mindset.10
Successful conflict management achieves a resolution between two or more disputing parties. It helps to establish a
relationship between these parties, even insofar as their commitment to maintaining this resolution. In this regard, conflict
management even opens up the possibility of making constructive improvements in relationships and agreements. In the
absence of proactive conflict management, there are only ever two possible outcomes: stagnancy or further breakdown.
But when parties are able to work out their differences and reach compromises, the stage is set for further positive
development in the long run.
Conflict Management Drives Innovation
While most people consider conflict wholly negative or without positive value, this is only the case when it comes to
conflict that goes unresolved or unmanaged. The truth is, the resolution of conflicting opinions in disputes can frequently
reveal new, unconsidered perspectives. Conflict management requires the parties involved not only to express their own
particular position and considerations but also to hear out the stance of the party with whom they are in conflict. This
exercise encourages exactly the kind of open-mindedness and flexible thinking that can sometimes give rise to the best
ideas. Many times, a truly imaginative solution can only come from the kind of discussion and resolution that conflict
management necessitates.
Conflict Management Mitigates Risk
On the flip side, the negative emotions that come with conflict can be potentially dangerous, as they can inspire hostility,
vindictiveness, vandalism, and even crime. Therefore, conflict management is a form of insurance, as it means soothing
any dissatisfaction or resentment before it is allowed to fester into something more damaging and permanent. Although
we have acknowledged that conflict is natural and a fact of life, that doesn’t make it any less unseemly. Diligent conflict
management will help you to project a more positive public image, whether as an individual or as a company.
1.3Examples of Conflict Management in the World
While it helps to have a strong theoretical framework when learning about conflict management, the best way to solidify
your understanding is to study what conflict management looks like in real-world situations. In this section, we will walk
through some conflict management examples set in three different categories: world, workplace, and personal life. With
each of these examples, we will look at the nature of the conflict, as well as try to see if there is a good solution for
resolving the conflict.
World
Word War II and the United Nations
While any war serves as an overt example of what can happen when conflict is allowed to escalate without proper
management, World War II remains perhaps the most powerful. This is due not only to the sheer number of lives lost to
conflict, but also to how the Allies’ victory brought about the establishment of the United Nations as an international body
responsible for managing and defusing conflicts between nations around the globe. 1
However, even though the United States and the USSR were allies during World War II and worked to establish the
United Nations cooperatively, they soon became embroiled in the Cold War.2 Because of this, the countries who joined
the United Nations were pushed to ally with either the United States or the USSR, dividing the organization’s votes and
thereby thwarting the organization from involving itself in many geopolitical conflicts that pertained to the ideological war
being fought between the United States and the USSR.3 And since most of the geopolitical conflicts during the latter half
of the 20th century were related to the Cold War, the UN was largely ineffective during this time. It was only after the
USSR collapsed and the Cold War came to a close that the UN was able to live up to its original vision. The UN oversaw
more peacekeeping missions in the five years after the end of the Cold War than in the first four decades of its existence.4
Figure 1.2: The Western bloc (blue) and the Eastern bloc (red) during the Cold War.
Image by Chronus, CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
This example is a great demonstration of how detrimental a conflict of interest can be to mediation processes, as the UN’s
conflicts of interest essentially crippled it from carrying out peacekeeping operations for the majority of its existence.
Mediation requires genuine independence from the parties involved in order to be able to facilitate fair and evenhanded
conversations between the parties.
The European Union
In 2008, the Republic of Kosovo declared independence from Serbia, a move which Serbia rejected outright by refusing to
recognize Kosovo as an independent state.5 However, the European Union was able to step in and facilitate negotiations
that resulted in the 2013 Brussels Agreement, which normalized relations between the two nations. As of 2020, Kosovo is
recognized as a sovereign state by 98 member states of the UN.6 At the same time, the European Union itself has been
fraught with internal conflict over the United Kingdom’s repeated attempts to leave the EU. This has resulted in failed
negotiations and domestic acrimony in the UK.7 From this example, we can see that even bodies which are supposed to
be responsible for establishing and mediating negotiations between arguing parties can become beleaguered by conflict
within. From this example, we can see that even bodies which are supposed to be responsible for establishing and
mediating negotiations between arguing parties can become beleaguered by conflict within.
Figure 1.3: The location of Kosovo as a province of Serbia before 2008. It is now recognized as an independent state by 98
member states of the UN.
Image by Rowanwindwhistler, CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
Workplace
Task-Based Conflict
Imagine that you have a new coworker, Maggie. During her first week in the office, she asks you for help putting together
a presentation. You tell her you can’t help because you have your own task load and don’t have the time to spare.
Afterward, you get the sense she feels slighted by your refusal to help her. Fast forward two weeks, and you’ve been
assigned a new project that you really need Maggie’s help to complete. You have emailed her asking if she would be
willing to help you out, but she has not responded. The deadline for your project is fast approaching. What should you do?
Conflict management begins with open communication and cool tempers. In this case, take the initiative to resolve the
conflict and acknowledge that you feel sorry for not having been able to help Maggie when she needed it. While this
scenario sounds unbearably awkward to most people, it is usually better to address tensions that could otherwise go on
festering for weeks, months, or even years. Moreover, people will respect you when you show the maturity and selfawareness to express that you regret that things didn’t go well and would like to start over. That said, it is important to
have realistic expectations going into the conversation. It is unrealistic to expect to instantly have a friendly relationship
with Maggie in this scenario. If she gets the sense that you expect that, it may seem disingenuous to her. All you have to
convey is that you want to patch up your relationship as coworkers so that the two of you can work together productively.
Leadership Conflict
Ronaldo has been a portfolio manager with Company A for over two years. He has overseen consistent portfolio growth
and is well liked by higher-ups who see him as someone who knows how to motivate his analysts to deliver. However,
some of the analysts have been known to express issues with Ronaldo’s style of leadership. They claim he has a habit of
micromanaging analysts he does not feel are performing to his standards. They also feel he is quick to point the finger
when something does not go the way he hoped. When it comes to his work, Ronaldo is by no means perfect. When things
do go wrong, he is often unwilling to acknowledge his own part in the portfolio team’s failures. One of his best analysts,
Alicia, has been notedly vocal about her dissatisfaction with the situation. She has expressed to HR that she is thinking of
leaving the company. How can this conflict be resolved?
First of all, the answer depends on whether the conflict is going to be resolved by negotiation or mediation. In the case of
negotiation, it would be up to Alicia and Ronaldo to settle the matter between them. However, if it appears that neither of
them is willing to concede their respective positions, mediation is the best strategy for bringing them to common ground.
When implementing mediation, the most important step would be to make both employees feel that their needs and
feelings are being heard. This is especially necessary since this issue seems to boil down to one of personality
differences. When both employees have an opportunity to express themselves in a safe, controlled environment, they will
be more likely to separate emotion from reason and think clearly about how they can reach a solution that is to both of
their benefits.
Work-Style Conflict
Figure 1.4: Simon and Jessica may both need to make concessions to work together more harmoniously.
Image by Jopwell via Pexels.
Simon and Jessica work together in the sales department of a sports nutrition company. Jessica has been with the
company for four years, whereas Simon is a relatively new hire. Both are proficient workers, but they have completely
different work styles. While Jessica is the type to want to organize and methodically plan every step of her week’s
workload, Simon is more of a go-with-the-flow kind of person and tends to feel restricted by anything resembling a plan.
The problem is that because they work in the same department, they often have to work together on certain tasks. As a
result, they are feeling annoyed with each other. What can be done about this?
The difficulty with this situation is that work styles are something that cannot easily be changed just by talking about them.
In this case, because the sales department is small, neither of them can be moved so that they don’t have to work
together. For these reasons, this is a matter where both parties will need to be willing to compromise. This can be
achieved if they strive to empathize with each. Whether they seek to resolve this in a negotiation setting or a mediation
setting, both Simon and Jessica must be able to share why it is they are unhappy with their working relationship and how
the other person’s work style is making them feel. If they can do this, they will see each other less as obstacles and more
as people. Hopefully, this will help them mutually agree to make certain concessions to accommodate the other person’s
work style so that they can work together more harmoniously.
Personal Life
Thanksgiving Decisions
Bill and Jamie, a married couple, are at their wits’ end trying to decide whose parents’ house they are going to visit for
Thanksgiving. Jamie’s argument is that they visited Bill’s parents for Thanksgiving last year, so it is only fair they visit her
parents this year. Bill’s argument is that his parents have been in ill health for several years now, and he doesn’t know
how many more Thanksgivings they have left. Jamie feels that Bill is being selfish and neglecting her feelings, whereas
Bill feels that Jamie is being insensitive to his and his parents’ circumstances. How can they stop arguing?
Though these types of issues may seem less significant than workplace issues, oftentimes personal issues can be the
hardest conflicts to manage. They can be that much more emotionally charged and often the tensions are running high.
With both Jamie and Bill feeling entirely justified in their respective positions, they are beginning to resent each other for
being unwilling to give in. What makes this conflict that much trickier is that while both of them may have valid arguments,
ultimately, there is only one Thanksgiving. Reaching a compromise will require both of them to remove themselves briefly
from their own mindset and try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view. If they can do this, it will put them
in a better place to negotiate. Perhaps Bill could propose visiting Jamie’s parents for Thanksgiving this year so long as
Jamie agrees they will visit his parents for Christmas, or vice versa. However, if neither Bill nor Jamie is willing to
negotiate, then either or both of their parents could intervene as mediators. It is likely that if their parents knew that this
argument over Thanksgiving was causing such a rift between Bill and Jamie, they would surely rather devise a
compromise than risk any further damage to the couple’s relationship.
Wage Negotiations
Maryann has been babysitting for her neighbor, Mrs. Walker, for the past year. She is compensated at a rate of $15 per
hour. However, for the last month, Mrs. Walker’s seven-year-old son, Henry, has been bringing his friend Jacob over on
the days that Maryann babysits. This means she ends up looking after two children instead of one. Maryann wants to
hang on to this job. While she likes the Walkers and needs the money to save up for college, she finds herself getting
home from babysitting much more tired than she used to. It is even beginning to affect her grades in school. What can she
do about this?
The obvious answer here is that Maryann needs to have the confidence to approach Mrs. Walker and negotiate for a raise
or better working conditions. In our day-to-day lives, we tend to let certain matters of conflict slide with the people we
know on a personal level because we want to get along with them. However, unmanaged conflict does not disappear, and
if not properly dealt with will only become a more serious problem later on. In this instance, it is Maryann’s prerogative and
responsibility to let Mrs. Walker know how her job has become more difficult. That’s not to say Maryann should
immediately ask for an increase in pay or blame Mrs. Walker. All she has to do is explain the situation and relate her own
experience in a way that Mrs. Walker will be able to empathize with. It will then be up to Mrs. Walker to either double
Maryann’s pay on the days that she is looking after two children or to forbid her son from bringing his friend over on the
days that Maryann is babysitting. If Mrs. Walker is a good employer, she will choose one of these solutions. If she
responds unkindly by insinuating that Maryann is ungrateful or that she is trying to squeeze more money out of her, then
Maryann can determine for herself whether Mrs. Walker is someone she really wants to work for.
1.4Defining Negotiation, Mediation, and Diplomacy
Now that we have sufficiently familiarized ourselves with the basics of conflict management, we have a foundation upon
which we can develop our understandings of the three key terms of this course: negotiation, mediation, and diplomacy. As
we did with conflict management, we can gather some definitions which will help us better understand these terms.
What Is Negotiation?
Put most simply, negotiation is the act of having a discussion or dialogue in order to settle a matter that is in dispute. 1 It
is a fundamental way of advocating for your interests and trying to reach an agreement with others as to how you can get
something that you want.
Figure 1.5: Negotiation is the act of having a discussion or dialogue in order to settle a matter that is in dispute.
Image by Oleg Magni via Pexels.
Negotiation is practiced through verbal or written communication. It typically takes the form of a back-and-forth until both
parties have arrived at an arrangement that they mutually find suitable. 2
Another way to think of negotiation is as an interactive conflict management process that becomes necessary when you
cannot accomplish your objective single-handedly. This happens primarily when your objective involves the allocation or
distribution of something in limited supply.
At this point, you ought to have a sense of how negotiation encompasses a wide array of situations and interactions
across various contexts and settings. Therefore, having several working definitions for negotiation will better equip you to
approach even unfamiliar or unconsidered scenarios from a negotiation framework. This will help you navigate said
scenario more successfully.
What Is Mediation?
Figure 1.6: Mediation uses a neutral third party to facilitate conflict management.
Image by August de Richelieu via Pexels.
Generally speaking, from the perspective of a mediator (the person who is performing mediation), mediation is the
process of being a third party to a negotiation and facilitating conflict management on behalf of others with the aim of
establishing agreement, settlement, reconciliation, or compromise.3 On the flip side, from the perspective of the
negotiating parties, mediation is the process of consulting a neutral outside party to assist in considering matters of
dispute and reaching a consensual agreement that accommodates all of the parties involved. 4
In many cases, negotiation can be pursued as a successful conflict management strategy. However, there are instances
in which it cannot be pursued or is unsuccessfully pursued. This results in an impasse or even further fallout. These are
the instances in which mediation becomes a more desirable conflict management strategy.
More specifically, mediation can refer to a means of conflict management that two disputing parties may pursue voluntarily
to avoid an escalation of conflict that would require the intervention of the judicial system. This definition applies to
nonnegotiable disputes not only between companies but also between individuals. For instance, mediation is a common
occurrence during divorce proceedings among couples who would rather try to reach a compromise without having to
appear before a judge in court.
What Is Diplomacy?
Figure 1.7: Diplomacy means communicating in a tactful and sensitive way, often to conduct negotiations between nations.
Image by Mat Reding via Unsplash.
At its core, diplomacy is the art of communicating with people in a tactful and sensitive way. 5 Diplomacy is a little different
from negotiation and mediation in that it is not a type of conflict management strategy but rather a cross-functional skill. It
can be applied to both negotiation and mediation, as well as other conflict management strategies, and in a wide variety of
contexts.
More specifically, and perhaps more commonly, diplomacy refers to the practice of conducting negotiations and
mediations between nations.6 The skills you will gain from this course would serve you just as well should you pursue a
career in international relations. But for our purposes, we will focus on diplomacy as a skillset you can practice both on the
international stage and in your interpersonal relationships in order to be a far more effective negotiator or mediator.
1.5Skills Needed for Conflict Management
Skills Needed for Conflict Management Transcript
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Now that we have covered an introduction to conflict management, its importance and benefits, real examples of conflict
management in the world, and definitions of the key topics of this course, we are going to take a closer look at what skills
conflict management requires. As we have discussed, in any given context, the primary goal of a conflict management
strategy is always to maximize the net gains and minimize the damages—including conflict escalation—for parties whose
needs are seemingly at odds. As you might imagine, it is a task that requires many different skills. There are three
communication skills which are of particular importance: focus, patience, and emotional intelligence.
Focus
Part of the difficulty of conflict management comes from the nature of conflict itself. As we’ve covered, it can be a highly
charged emotional event. Because of this, without proper management, a conflict can quickly lead to each involved party
becoming more entrenched in its own position. That party can also become more convinced that the needs or demands of
the other parties are a threat to its own, which can in turn lead to conversations devolving into misunderstandings,
secondary conflicts, and chaos.
Therefore, whether as a negotiator or as a mediator, one must be able to stay concentrated on only the essential matters
that are in dispute and how they can be resolved most effectively. 1 The act of resolution is one of bringing disputing
parties to common ground. Doing so will require the focus necessary to separate the elements of the conflict from the
matters of personality and ego. In general, there are three types of separation you can practice to bring focus to conflict
management scenarios.
Separation of Personalities from Disputes
Clashing personalities are exactly where conflicts can devolve past the point of resolution.2 Instead, focus your attention
on only the matters that are currently in dispute and how a middle ground can be established based on the particulars of
the conflict. Some conflicts may arise from contexts and previous history that may pose further personality clashes.
Successful conflict management depends on a commitment to focusing only on what will lead toward eventual resolution
and the delivery of maximum benefit to all involved parties.
Separation of Positions from Interests
On the surface, positions and interests may sound synonymous. However, in the context of conflict management, there is
a very fine and important distinction between them. Your position is what you have decided you are asking for in any
given conflict. Your interests are your reasons for adopting this position.3 While it is still important to discuss and debate
the matters being disputed, it is equally important to understand the underlying causes for how these parties have arrived
at this conflict. Helping both sides view the situation from a more objective perspective establishes common ground and
sets the stage for compromise and agreement.
Separation of Egos from Conflicts
This is especially true when you are negotiating on your own behalf rather than mediating on behalf of someone else. But
even in a mediation, you cannot have a personal, emotional stake in resolving the matter. In any conflict management
strategy, to ensure success, you need to be able to remove your own feelings and considerations from your attempts to
resolve the conflict.4 Regardless of how you feel about the matter, your responsibility is to improve conditions for all of the
disputing parties.
Patience
Something to keep in mind is that conflicts that require negotiation or mediation can become complex, drawn-out affairs.
Generally speaking, no one likes to concede or make sacrifices right away. Suffice it to say, bringing a conflict to
resolution is rarely a straightforward or simple process. Even in a scenario in which the solution is obvious to you, you
cannot forego letting each party express its position and taking the time to consider all arguments fairly. Without going
through this process thoroughly, you open the opportunity for someone to feel excluded from the process or hurried to
reach a decision, both of which can cripple even successful conversations.
Furthermore, if a solution to the conflict is not immediately apparent or seems impossible, it is imperative that you have
the patience to search for a solution, rather than conflate a lack of forward progress for failure altogether. In most cases,
having the patience to hear out all sides carefully and consider their respective positions is the only way to arrive at a
long-term solution that maximizes benefits for all. Here are some techniques you can use to bring more patience to
conflict management:
Let Others Explain Themselves and Practice Active Listening
Often, parties will come to a dispute with a burning need to have their case heard, for fear that their wishes or needs will
not be met or honored.5 Adopt the position of the listener and you’ll not only better understand the party’s position, but
you’ll also make them feel heard. You can go even further by responding to them using similar word choices and phrases,
which psychologically makes the other person feel understood. Asking good questions and concentrating on
understanding the other person’s position are both important aspects of active listening.
When You Speak, Keep Your Speech as Direct and Clear as You Can
Just having a lot to say does not go a long way in convincing someone else of your point or masking the fact that what
you want is at odds with what they are asking for. In fact, if what you are saying feels directionless or murky to the listener,
you will only tune people out and make them further entrenched in their position. 6 Clarity and openness are persuasive in
their own right, and the fewer misinterpretations and confusions there are in a conflict management process, the easier
the path to resolution.
Avoid Reacting Emotionally and Becoming Defensive
If you feel things are not going your way, and you are not careful to keep your emotions in check, you can quickly become
hopeless about the outcome of negotiations or mediations, which will affect your decision-making ability. When you are
reacting from a place of emotion, it may feel like it’s the only option you have to get what you want. In the end, it will only
sabotage what might have otherwise been a productive conversation. Never accuse others of having malicious, ulterior
motives or make the conversations a hostile environment. Instead, take disagreement and stalemate as a chance to adopt
a new point of view, rather than as a personal attack. While you are not obligated to agree with anyone, you serve
yourself best by trying to put yourself in the other party’s shoes and see where they are coming from.
Demonstrate Your Readiness to Meet in the Middle
You must always remember that conflict management is not about getting as much as you can for yourself out of any
dispute. It is about establishing a lasting agreement between parties that will hopefully lead to further positive outcomes
and benefits for those involved. While your instinct may be to approach a conflict with ego and pride, the way to convey
real power and authority is by demonstrating an objective, emotionally cool commitment to finding a compromise that
works for everyone. That attitude and approach is what will give you real leverage in any conflict.
Emotional Intelligence
In this context, emotional intelligence refers to one’s ability to interpret and navigate their own emotions and the
emotions of others with minimal conflict or difficulty.7 As you might imagine, this is an essential skill when it comes to
conflict management, as it is the primary method by which one might avoid unnecessary escalations and side conflicts. If
you are sensitive to the other party’s emotions and are able to decipher emotional cues from speech patterns, facial
expressions, body language, and other subtle cues, you can tailor your own strategy to the emotional state of others. This
will increase your chances of reaching a resolution successfully. Moreover, others will intuitively sense your own
emotional intelligence and will respect you for it. They will be able to focus more closely on reaching a compromise since
there are fewer emotions to distract them.
Do not be concerned if you would not immediately consider yourself as someone with great emotional intelligence. It is a
skill that anyone can develop with time and patience. All it takes is getting more in touch with your own emotions without
feeling like you have to act on them.8 When you practice this, you will begin to notice the way others succumb to their
feelings in matters that require focus and objectivity. You will find yourself much better equipped to handle disputes. No
one has ever successfully resolved a conflict with outbursts and tears. A conflict can only be resolved with a level head.
Keeping a level head even in the f…