Communications Negotiation Planning & Real World Conflicts Essay

ASSIGNMENT INSTRUCTIONS:

Think about the many opportunities they have to negotiate and to improve their negotiating skills further. Students will be asked to engage in a negotiation outside of class.

This assignment consists of three sections:

(i) a planning section and

(ii) the negotiation itself,

(iii) a post-negotiating recap.

The real world negotiation I have decided to do is: “My neighbor seems to have bought a new sound system. The past two weeks they have been playing music very loudly at all hours of the night on any given day of the week. I would like to find a way for them not to play music after midnight on weekdays.”  The assignment is to have a negotiation with someone outside of class and apply the tools taught in class to the negotiation we have outside of class. All of which can all be found in the attached documents. Not all the information attached must be used, but the attached sources should be the only ones used to complete the assignment. Basically, the assignment is to use the tools and strategies in the attached documents to formulate and execute a real world negotiation. Even though this negotiation with my neighbor did not take place, please write it as if it did.

Negotiations
BATNA
Tuesday 7-9.30
Professor Chris DiOrio, Sr.
*This material may not be used or shared without my consent.
BATNA
Best alternative to a negotiated agreement
• You must know your alternative if you cannot come to an agreement.
• If you don’t have an alternative, you have no leverage.
• No leverage = bad deal.
• If you have strong alternatives, you can/should get a better deal
• If you don’t have a strong alternative, you have options: take a bad deal; wait
–time may improve your position or say no.
• Saying no to a negotiated deal may be the best result.
BATNA
• I am selling my car.
• I have an acquaintance that offered me $8,000. They will pick it up at my house and
give me cash.
• CarMax offered me $8,300 but I must drive 45 minutes there, get a ride back and they
will give me a check.
• Car dealer in my town wants to know what I need to make a deal?
• What’s your BATNA?
Negotiations
DC Chap 4&5
Professor Chris DiOrio, Sr.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 4
• Abandon Blame: Map the contribution system
• Blame is about judging and looking backwards
• Contribution is about understanding and looking forward
• Ad campaign exec and assistant conversation – thoughts?
• When blame is the goal, understanding is the casualty. Why?
• Focusing on blame hinders problem solving (the dog examples)
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 4
• Benefits of understanding contribution.
• It is easier to talk to anyone about sharing the responsibility vs blaming them.
• Contribution encourages change, learning (RW -and a greater sense of team)
• 3 misconceptions of contribution
1. I should only focus on my contribution
2. Putting aside blame means putting aside my feelings
3. Exploring contribution means “blaming the victim”
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 4
• 4 Hard to spot contributions:
1.
Avoiding until now – you allow something to go on for a period of time and now decided to bring it
up
2.
3.
4.
Being unapproachable – you are uninterested, not helpful, argumentative, etc
Intersections – Toby and Eng-An
Problematic Role Assumptions – difficult to change but the work must be done. Leaders don’t
always have to set the strategy….
• Two tools for spotting contribution when you are struggling:
1.
2.
Role Reversal
The Observers Insight
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 4
Map the Contribution System:
• What are they contributing?
• What am I contributing?
• Who else is involved?
• Now act:
• It is important to take responsibility for your contribution early. Why?
• Make your observations and reasoning explicit
• Clarify what you would have them do differently
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• Feelings matter! Why?
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• Feelings matter! Why?
• Because feelings are often at the center of DC.
• We think “If I were better at problem solving this would be easy to fix” when really, we are
just suppressing our emotions.
• When feelings are “…the business at hand…” they will always resurface no matter how hard
we try to push them down.
• Emma/Kathy – rather than discuss her feelings, Emma starts an argument.
• Emma could have said: “I am angry”, “I feel hurt”, “I am terrified you’re right”
• These feelings had a huge impact on the conversation so of course feelings matter!
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• Feelings matter! Why?
• Unexpressed feelings make it difficult to listen
• The two hardest and most important communication tasks in a difficult
conversation (LIKELY ON THE FINAL)
• 1) Expressing our feelings (because it makes us vulnerable)
• 2) Listening – people don’t listen well under great conditions, when they are upset, they
listen even less.
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• A way out of the “Feelings Bind”
• Learn where your feelings hide
• Explore your emotional footprint
• Your life experiences created this: How did your family handle emotions? Which feelings were
discussed, and which were not? What do you find easy to express and hard to express – even to
people close to you?
• Accept that feelings are normal and natural
• Recognize that good people can/do have bad feelings
• Learn that your feelings are important as theirs.
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• A way out of the “Feelings Bind”
• Learn that your feelings are important as theirs. (examples in the book – sick parent/siblings
& girlfriend/boyfriend date night)
• Find the bundle of feelings behind the simple labels – Brad/Job Search/Mother and Jamila
and her husband
• List of hard-to-find feelings on page 96
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• A way out of the “Feelings Bind”
• Attributions, judgements and accusations:
• Emily/Roz – “You are self absorbed. You are thoughtless” These judgements, not feelings.
• We translate our feelings into:
• Judgements: “If you were a good friend, you would have been there for me”
• Attributions: “Why were you trying to hurt me?”
• Characterizations: “You’re just so inconsiderate”
• Problem-solving: “The answer is for you to call me more often”
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• Negotiate with your feelings (really?)
• When you feel the need to blame someone, look for the emotions driving that feeling
• Express those feelings instead of blaming someone for a problem.
• Our reaction can change dramatically with more information (reef shark vs a great
white).
• Are you making assumptions? Attributions? Characterizations?
• Remember the Contribution system – what is our part in this whole mess of
feelings/conversations/actions?
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• Negotiate with your feelings (really?)
• Don’t vent: Carefully describe your feelings
• Remember your feelings are important so include them in the discussion
• Express the “full spectrum” of your feelings (Brad/Mom/job search)
• Don’t evaluate, just share – “I felt hurt….you’re overreaching”…in this conversation,
judgment/evaluation of the 2nd party derails the conversation. If this happens get it back on
track. How would you do that?
• Don’t monopolize – allow for the other person to express their feelings too.
• Simple trick? Say, “I feel…”
difficult conversations Chapter 5
• The importance of acknowledgement
• Each side must have their feelings acknowledged before you can start down the path to
resolution.
• Be sure you don’t go into “solve” mode to quickly.
• Direct the conversation back to the purpose of understanding.
• “I’m not saying you wanted to hurt me, but you did, and you need to understand and acknowledge
that”
• Its important for people to know that “….you care enough about me to listen”
Negotiations
LV Construction-Ethics
Tuesdays, 7-9.30
Professor Chris DiOrio, Sr.
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
• I believe…..
• you should never do something illegal, unethical or immoral
• people remember how you treat them
• reputation is everything
• you can still negotiate hard
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
• Nine steps for Ethical Decision Making
1. Gather Facts
(likely on the midterm)
• All good decisions are based on Facts, not emotion, feelings, etc
• Make sure ASSUMPTIONS are not seen as EQUAL to facts
• Do not jump to conclusions without having the relevant facts
• Some facts may be difficult to find due to the uncertain & complex nature of ethical
dilemmas
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
• Nine steps for Ethical Decision Making
2. Define One Key Ethical Decision
• There may be more than one ethical issue
• Possible ethical issues in this care?
• Breach of confidentiality, whistle blowing, corporate integrity, risk (and reputation) management,
stakeholder (stockholder) management, corporate social responsibility, etc
• Primary in this case?
• We cannot take on all of these at once so which one is the most critical?
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
• Nine steps for Ethical Decision Making
3. Identify Key Stakeholders – there are two types: Primary (directly affected) and
Secondary(indirectly affected)
• First identify all the stakeholders involved.
• Who is/are the primary stakeholder(s) in this case? Who are the secondary stakeholders?
• Identify stakeholders from the perspective of those who are affected rather than from the
perspective of a third party
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
• Nine steps for Ethical Decision Making
4. Estimate possible consequences
• What are they?
• What is the magnitude of the consequences?
• What is the probability of the consequences?
• Are these consequences short or long term?
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
5. Are there any ethical principles or violations of justice?
• The most powerful ethical principles that shape an “ethical decision” are “do no harm”; the
“Golden Rule – do unto others..” and what are your “prima facia responsibilities” – fidelity,
reparation, gratitude, justice, self-improvement, non-maleficence, etc)
• We must consider the two types of Human Rights – Negative and Positive.
• Negative – the right to not be harmed, not be interfered with by others on speech, religion, privacy, etc.
• Positive – the right to receive a benefit – happiness, national security, health care, etc).
• We must consider the two types of Justice as well
• Procedural Justice – the fairness of the process
• Distributive Justice – the fairness of the outcome’s distribution
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
5. Are there any ethical principles or violations of justice?
• Are they any relevant ethical principles or violations of human rights or justice involved?
•
•
Which principles are most relevant and why?
Are there positive & negative rights involved in this case?
•
What happens when there are both?
•
Which should carry more weight in the decision and why?
•
Is there a procedural or distributive injustice involved?
•
If so, which and why?
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
6.
Describe the virtues used in the decision-making process.
• “The Virtue Approach” – see definition
• Positive virtues? Negative virtues?
• What virtues are at the core of this decision?
• The “disclosure rule”
• How would you feel if….
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
6.
Describe the virtues used in the decision-making process.
• “The Virtue Approach” – see definition
• Positive virtues? Negative virtues?
• What virtues are at the core of this decision?
• The “disclosure rule”
• How would you feel if….
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
7. Consider Individual and Situational Factors
• Are your decisions based on bias due to individual or situational factors?
• Bias comes from the decision makers individual perspective and past
• Your moral development, personality, traits, patterns of behavior/thinking
• Bias come from the decision makers situational perspective and past
• Ethical climate, competitive landscape, socially/industry acceptable standards, other external forces
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
8. Sharpen the logic/convince the Devil’s Advocate
• Decisions are better formed when they are opposed
• Have someone challenge your decision (best if they disagree with it) and play “devil’s
advocate”.
• This person should actively oppose the initial decision and you (or the group) should be able
to convince them.
• If you can’t, you need to rethink your decision.
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
9. Make a final conclusion and written statement
• After going through the first 8 steps the final conclusion should be put in writing and shared
with all parties so there is no question about what to do.
• The best decisions and justification comes from a thorough decision-making process. All 9
steps should be treated with equal importance.
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
Group Project
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Gather facts
Define one key ethical decision
Identify stakeholders
Estimate possible consequences
Are there any ethical principles or violations of justice?
Describe the virtues used for the decision
Consider individual and situational factors
Convince the Devil’s Advocate (sharpen your logic)
Make a final conclusion and written statement
LV Construction – Ethical Contracting
Group Project
• What facts should be considered in evaluating Gilmore’s actions?
• Who would be the primary and secondary stakeholders with respect to Gilmore’s actions?
• What are the possible consequences of Gilmore’s actions?
• You should consider the magnitude and likelihood of the consequences
• Are there any relevant ethical principles or violations of human rights or justice involved?
• Given all this, what do you think Holmes should do?
Negotiations
DC Chap 2-3 Review
Professor DiOrio
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chapter 2 – Stop arguing about who’s right: Explore each other’s stories
We think “they” are the problem (POV): they are selfish; naïve; controlling, irrational, etc.
Of course, we make sense in our version; what’s hard to see is that the other person may make
sense too!
Rory thinks she makes perfect sense and so does Aunt Bertha.
Arguing without understanding is not persuasive. Telling someone to change makes it less
likely they will change.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
So why do we see a situation differently when we experience it together?
• We have different information:
• We notice different things (Andrew/Uncle at parade); Randy & Daniel (do they
work for the same company?)
• We know ourselves better than anyone else can. No one knows all my constraints,
limitations, joys, fears, etc. Conversely, we don’t really know what anyone else’s
constraints are as well.
• Rather than assume we know all we need to know, assume there is more information you
don’t know.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
We have different interpretations
• We are influenced by past experiences.
• I grew up golfing, you didn’t so you don’t get my references.
• We apply different implicit rules
• I like to start on time? Other think, don’t sweat the small stuff ?
Our Conclusions reflect self-interest
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Move from certainty to curiosity
• Don’t ask “why do THEY think that way?”
• Do ask “what do they know I don’t?”
• Don’t ask “How can they be so irrational?”
• Do ask “How do they see things so differently and how can I make sense of
what they see?”
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Embrace both sides and adopt the “And Stance”
• Sleeping with the window open/closed – whose right?
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Embrace both sides and adopt the “And Stance”
• Sleeping with the window open/closed – whose right?
• The world is complex – the answer usually is some form of “And”
• You can both be right and be upset with each other.
• Both sides can disagree and be correct.
• Share your story/explain your story and the LISTEN to theirs.
• “Now that we really understand each other, how can we solve this problem?”
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Two exceptions that aren’t exceptions:
1. I am right and I know I am right.
• Father/daughter example – what is this conversation about?
• Friend who drinks too much – what is this conversation about?
• Does being “right” matter?
• What important is talking about how it makes you feel.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Two exceptions that aren’t exceptions:
2. Do I really have to understand their side if I am never going to see them
again (I.E., firing someone, breaking up, etc)
• More to come under “Feelings and Identity Conversations” later in the book.
• Understanding the other persons story doesn’t mean you have to agree with it.
• “…that fact that you are willing to try to understand their view doesn’t diminish the
power you have to implement your decision, and to be clear that your decision is final.”
(Page 42).
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap3
• Don’t assume they meant it: disentangle intent from impact.
• Our assumptions about intentions are often wrong!
• We assume the worst (automatically many times)
• We treat ourselves more charitably!
• You offer help in a meeting you’re a good person; someone offers you help in a meeting
they are trying to get the upper hand/make you look bad
• Of course, sometimes people have bad intentions
• But it is less than we think.
Difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• Getting intentions wrong is very costly. Intentions matter and guessing
wrong is hazardous to your relationships (all types of relationships). Why?
• We assume Bad Intentions we mean Bad Character
• Once we have made a judgement on someone’s character, we see every action through
that lens.
• We based our reactions solely on the impact of THEIR behavior on us.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• Accusing them of bad intentions creates defensiveness
• They do what we do – they assume the worst.
• We want clarification of their meaning/intent, and they believe we are attacking them
• “Why did you point my mistake in the meeting?” “I was trying to help you!” You were trying to
make me look bad!”
• Our responses create a self-fulling prophesy
• We think someone has bad intentions; we treat them badly; they feel hurt; they start to treat
us with bad intentions. A very bad cycle.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• Good intentions do not grant you absolution for bad outcomes
• We don’t hear what people are really saying:
• “Why were you trying to hurt me?” (Lori from the book)
• What she is really saying is two things:
• I KNOW what you intended
• You hurt me.
• What did Leo hear? Only “why are you trying to hurt me” and he begins to defend
himself…as we all tend to do.
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• Good intentions do not grant you absolution for bad outcomes
• There is rarely just one motivation in most actions. Take Leo:
• Is he just trying to help Lori?
• Is he concerned about how her actions reflect on him?
• Shouldn’t he understand by now how she will react to his words?
• RW – Ask yourself this key question – what do I really want out of this situation?
• When we stop and think about our own intentions, there is a lot more there than on the
surface
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• Two key mistakes we often make (likely on the final):
1. Our assumptions about intentions are often wrong
2. Good intentions don’t sanitize bad impact
difficult CONVERSATIONS
Chap 3
• How do we avoid these two mistakes?
• Separate Impact and Intent – ask these 3 questions:
1. Actions: What did the other person say or do?
2. Impact: What was the impact on me?
3. Assumption: Based on this impact, what assumption am I making about what the
other person intended?
• You know have a hypothesis of what you believe. These answers will help you begin
the difficult conversation. (see conversation on page 54)
Negotiations
ZOPA
Negotiations
Professor Chris DiOrio, Sr.
**Material may not be used without my express permission
ZOPA
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
• “The Zone of Possible Agreement, or ZOPA, is the range in a negotiation
in which two or more parties can find common ground. Here, the
negotiating parties can work toward a common goal and reach a potential
agreement that incorporates at least some of the other’s ideas. ZOPA is
also sometimes referred to as the “bargaining range” or “bargaining
zone.“”
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
• Positive Bargaining Zone
• When the terms that both parties are willing to agree to overlap, there is said to
be a positive bargaining zone. That is, the terms the buyer agrees to clearly align
with the terms the seller is willing to accept.
• The buyer is hoping to purchase a vehicle for a price between $2,500 and
$3,000. The seller is willing to sell for a price between $2,750 and $3,250. In this
scenario.
• What is the ZOPA in this simple example? What is the positive bargaining zone?
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
• Negative Bargaining Zone
• When the terms that both parties are willing to agree to don’t overlap, there is
said to be a negative bargaining range—also called a Negative Zone of Possible
Agreement or Negative ZOPA. In these instances, a deal can’t be reached under
current circumstances unless one or both parties are willing to adjust their view
of what is acceptable.
• In the case of the used car, a negative bargaining zone would exist if the buyer
and seller could not reach an agreement. If the buyer is willing to pay no more
than $3,000, yet the seller is willing to accept no less than $3,500, then neither
party’s terms can be met.
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
Five points to remember:
1. Your Success Depends on More Than Just Skill
• You don’t always know who you’ll negotiate with on a given day. Some people will
be unreasonable while others may be willing to offer more than you’d ever hoped.
While you should always employ your best negotiation tactics, remember that some
circumstances will always be out of your control.
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
Five points to remember:
2. Know Your Limits
• It’s a huge advantage to know the upper and lower boundaries of a ZOPA. A
negotiator is understandably reluctant to disclose their walkaway, or bottom line, as
it’s the least attractive deal they would accept before walking away from the
negotiation.
• By knowing the boundaries of a ZOPA, it’s possible to push your counterpart close
to their limit to reach a favorable deal.
• How do you discover the boundaries?
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
Five points to remember:
3. The Situation Can Change
• The ZOPA can grow, shrink, or disappear during a negotiation as parties refine their
own priorities and reassess each other’s walkaways. When preparing for a
negotiation, remember that the situation can always change. Being able to adapt to
these changes is a key factor to being a successful negotiator.
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
Five points to remember:
4. The ZOPA Can Be Shaped
• The interaction in a negotiation is about shaping perceptions of the ZOPA through
persuasion and other tactical moves, as this is more likely to lead to an agreement.
• You can positively (and negatively) affect every deal/interaction
• How?
ZOPA
Zone of possible agreement
Five points to remember:
5. Preparation Matters
• Rigorous preparation is essential.
• Going into a negotiation, you seldom know how big the ZOPA is or whether there’s
room for agreement at all. If you’ve prepared well, you’ll have set a “break point”
• That establishes one boundary of the ZOPA, but the other boundary, your
counterpart’s walkaway, will be obscure at best, just as your walkaway will be
uncertain to them. That mutual uncertainty underlies much of the dance of offers
and counteroffers that follows.