Communications Question

Question—–

4.1 Radical Rewrite: Information E-Mail—Negative Announcement

The attached wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite.

Your Task. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also, think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability. Can you condense this sloppy 14-sentence message into efficient sentences plus a list—and still convey all the necessary information?

Attached File—–

To:Management Staff

From:

Nathan Weintraub

Subject:Interns

Staff:

As you may be aware, we have for the past year been considering changing our approach to interns. Your management council recently made a decision to offer compensation to the interns in our internship program because we learned that in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm. However, we will be unable to offer any more than three internships.

In collaboration with our nearby college, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are required to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is needed at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections.

You should mark your calendars for the following three times. We are scheduling the first set of interviews for April 5 to meet in the conference room.  Please examine all the candidates’ résumés, which are attached, and send me your ranking lists.

The second interviewing session is scheduled for April 8 in Office 22 (the conference room was already scheduled). On April 11 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared.

Nathan Weintraub

Director, Human Resources