Word Choice and Tone-Skills Building Exercises

Choosing the best words requires thinking about what you want to achieve and with whom. Do you and your readers know each other, or are you writing to strangers? How well-educated are your readers, and what kinds of knowledge can they be presumed to have? How do you want your readers to feel about you, your company, and what you’re writing about?

Adaptation requires asking yourself these questions and more. The following sections will help you think through your choices.

Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
Creating Reader-Focused Writing Using the You-Viewpoint
Instructions: Rewrite the following using you-viewpoint. You may need to add additional
material.
1. Company policy requires that you must submit the warranty agreement within two
weeks of sale.
To be covered by the warranty, you will need to submit the signed agreement to us
within two week of the sale.
2. We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 12th.
3. (From an email to employees) We take pleasure in announcing that, effective today,
the Company will give a 20 percent discount on all purchases made by employees.
4. We are happy to report approval of your application for membership.
5. So that we can sell at discount prices, we cannot permit returns of sale merchandise.
Language as an Obstacle – Avoid Clichés, Jargon, Slang, Euphemisms and
Doublespeak
Revise the following sentences to eliminate slang and annoyingly popular expressions. Would
any of them be acceptable under the right circumstances?
1. We need a marketing strategy that will move us beyond the low-hanging fruit.
We need a marketing strategy that will help us reach more customers.
2. He doesn’t have the bandwidth right now to take on another project. [In a context that
has nothing to do with internet use]
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
3. We are reaching out to you today to tell you about our new line of training products.
4. We should synergize our efforts to enhance our customer service.
5. The vendors we work with are super reliable.
Creating Bias Free Writing
Instructions: Change these sentences to avoid discriminatory language.
1. The typical postman rarely makes mistakes in delivering his mail.
The typical letter carrier rarely makes mistakes in delivering the mail.
2. The committee consisted of a businessman, a lawyer, and a lady doctor.
3. A good secretary screens all telephone calls for her boss and arranges his schedule.
4. Two company representatives attended the conference: a Hispanic engineer and one
of our younger managers.
5. He is one of the best gay designers in the city.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
Instructions: Revise the following sentences for concise business writing using clean,
straightforward sentence structure to improve understanding and retention.
1. In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
Because we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
2. I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
3. The candidates who had the most money won.
4. Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.
5. Sales can be detected to have improved over the last year.
6. It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
7. Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
8. In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
9. The job requires a minimum of three years of experience.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
10. In spite of the fact that they hadn’t paid their previous bill, they placed another order.
11. We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
12. This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
13. The salespeople who were most successful received the best rewards.
14. This condition can be assumed to be critical.
15. The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
Use of Active and Passive Voice
Instructions: Revise the following sentences to eliminate passive voice.
1. Our action is based on the assumption that the competition will be taken by surprise.
We take this action because we believe it will surprise our competition.
2. It is believed by the typical union member that his or her welfare is not considered to
be important by management.
3. You were directed by your supervisor to complete this assignment by noon.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
4. It is believed by the writer that this company policy is wrong.
5. The union was represented by Cecil Chambers.
6. It was my duty to make a determination of the damages.
It was my duty to determine the damages.
7. Harold made a recommendation that we fire Mr. Shultz.
8. Implementation of the plan was effected by the crew.
9. Approval of all orders must be made by the chief.
10. A committee performs the function of determining the award winner.
Selecting Words for Clarity and Precision
Instructions: Revise these sentences to make them conform to the writing suggestions
discussed in the book.
1. We have found that young men are best for this work.
We found that men under 30 are best for this work.
2. She makes good grades.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
3. John lost a fortune in Las Vegas.
4. If we don’t receive the goods soon, we will cancel.
5. Some years ago she made good money.
Using Plain Words
Instructions: Assume that your readers are at about the 10th-grade level in education. Revise
these sentences for easy communication to this audience.
1. We must terminate all deficit financing.
We must stop buying on credit.
2. We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery.
3. A proportionate tax consumes a determinate apportionment of one’s monetary inflow.
4. Business has an inordinate influence on governmental operations.
5. It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences.
6. Mr. Sanchez terminated Kevin’s employment as a consequence of his ineffectual
performance.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
7. Our expectations are that there will be increments in commodity value.
8. Can we ascertain the types of customers that have a predisposition to utilize our
instant-credit offer?
9. The preponderance of the businesspeople we consulted envisioned signs of
improvement from the current siege of economic stagnation.
10. If liquidation becomes mandatory, we shall dispose of these assets first.
Managing Paragraph Emphasis and Focus
Instructions: Rewrite the following paragraph in two ways to show different placement of the
topic sentence and variations in emphasis of contents. Point out the differences in meaning in
each of your paragraphs.
1. Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has
performed her job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad temper,
which has led to many personal problems with the work group. I cannot recommend
her for promotion. I approve a 5 percent raise for her.
2. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada
had the highest increase, with 14 percent. Although all states in the western region
enjoyed increases, Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington
increased 3 percent.
Module 2.0: Word Choice and Tone – – Skills Building Exercises
Managing Paragraph Focus
1. Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s
meeting room to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there.
Turn the following pieces of information into coherent writing, inserting paragraph
breaks where you think appropriate. Be ready to explain why you grouped the
information and managed the emphasis the way you did. You may need to add some
words or information to make the facts flow smoothly.
We have a meeting room.
It will be available on the date you request.
It can seat 100 people.
The seating can be arranged to your specifications.
It is quiet.
It is on the ground floor.
It is not near the guest rooms.
The lounge has live music on occasion.
The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room.
The meeting room has a lectern.
It has a projector.
It has a screen.
It has a laptop hookup.
We can rent additional equipment.
We can rent it at no charge to you.
The charge for the room is $300.
This is the charge for one day.